Harigovind Sunil

Have u ever felt so uncomfortable and incompatible with yourself? Hated yourself more than anything in the world struggling to live every day….wishing you jus woke up from that terrible dream..

The mirror always just hurt me like hell just because I, was broken.

This world where you can not be sure about anyone or anything it was exceedingly arduous for me to stay positive. It’s like having a garden which is so easy to be uprooted… you might have beliefs and thoughts bout yourself..but another pathetic being’s eyes, his tongue or hands can just ruin it comfortably and put you in real melancholy.

Body shaming, bullying, hate speech…they all were things which I only saw happening in the movies..I never knew some people where so much into hurting others feelings with no sweat and even make them end their own precious lives. unfortunate…who really?

I had to turn 17 to understand how bad the world around me is.. I had hands that touched me.stabbed my heart, and they weren’t mine…No one knew nothing. being an “alien” at school, everyday was obviously so hard to get over with. Waking up every morning, putting on my uniform and then straight to classroom just to have suicidal thoughts.. that was school for me. hated it. I would never get off the bus and would just go to river sides and forests to think about life and how I would thrive .My parents thought I did go to school everyday. My tears burned my cheeks. I have always felt so different from everyone and I didn’t love it at first. Crying was my thing and I did it better than anybody. I would sometimes just think to myself that I’ll always be alone.. I’ll never be happy and started to love being hurt. It felt dangerous or it was just my patheticity.

That took myself where I believed being sad is just a human thing.. how great it is that the tears of a dead flower could make it bloom again?

It makes me think.. I learn from bad days.. I gain..

Life could be compared to a million things but now I’d just say it’s like sitting at the beach at 2 am.. alone.. that’s where I am right now.

you avail yourself of the beauty of it all or just get scared and paranoid. It’s you…who’s the lone designer of your life. Loving yourself is hard.. be proud that things are difficult. There are things that i still struggle with, and I know that I am born to run. If you can’t let yourself happy what else could? Find comfort in everything.. believing is the key. If you have a strong desire for something and you cry thinking about it.. trust me, it will walk to you with a tender smile one day. Even if the road is a little rough just pretend it’s easy..you can do magic if you are magic. 

Take a good swim in your tears or just drown forever. The choice is all yours.