Dorsa

I can’t remember the start of my depression all too well. I always got called the shy and overly quiet kid when I was in elementary school and honestly I still bear the title from most people at work, uni, etc.

But I remember the triggers were back in my 15’s where I was fed up with familial issues , myself and thought the only way to calm my mind was to distract it with pain. Sometimes that was the excuse, other times I hated myself for not putting me before others and killing myself when I desperately wanted to go. I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 20 and that added some random drug choices and EEGs and doctor appointments but aside from that , it’s been pretty much the same. I didn’t grow out of my depressive phase.

Maybe it’s ’cause I still occasionally meet my mentally abusive family member, maybe it’s the insecurities that I’ve been trying to change but still struggle with, or maybe I just don’t belong here at all. Either way, I think It’d be more heartwarming if people didn’t ignore such things or tried to fill it with fake positivity. Most times it’s either those two or just being abandoned.